Of Chat Up Lines and Rejection
by theJilyandLamesFanatic
Summary: James tries to woo Lily with a multitude of chat-up lines. Three guesses as to how successful he is. Please R&R/leave me any funny HP chat up lines : Rated T for insinuations.


**Of Chat Up Lines and Rejection**

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

James: We may not be in Professor Flitwick's class, but you still are charming.

Lily: Glad one of us is.

* * *

James: I don't have an invisibility cloak but do you think tonight I can visit your restricted section?

Lily: I can't believe you just said that. No.

* * *

James: I want to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.

Lily: Sweet Merlin, go away.

* * *

James: My love for you burns like a dying phoenix.

Lily: I hear your herpes does, too.

* * *

James: You know, Hagrid is not the only giant on campus.

Lily: Well, that changes things...

James: Really?

Lily: No.

* * *

James: Wanna make some magic together? My wand is at the ready.

Lily: I'd like to know what I did to deserve this.

* * *

James: If you were a quaffle and I was a chaser during a quidditch match, I'd score with you.

Lily: Shh. I'm writing your parents a Christmas card.

James: Really?

Lily: Mhm. It says, "You should have used protection."

* * *

James:I must have had some Felix Felicis because I think I'm about to get lucky.

Lily: One too many Bludgers to the head can create illusions.

* * *

James: Without you I feel like I'm in Azkaban and dementors are sucking away my soul.

Lily: If only that were true.

* * *

James: You know, the Sorting Hat placed me in Gryffindor. I think it's because like Godric Gryffindor himself, I too have an impressive sword.

Lily: You. Are. Ridiculous.

* * *

James: Want to go to the Hog's Head, if you know what I mean?

Lily: You've got to be kidding.

* * *

James: I never joke around, what do you take me for?

Lily: A pain in my arse.

James: Alright, if you insist...

Lily: NO!

* * *

James: Being without you is like being under the Cruciatus Curse.

Lily: I don't think you can say that without experience, come here.

James: Uhhhhh, I have Quidditch practice...

Lily: Bye.

* * *

James: Want to have a Tri-Wizards Tournament? Well not really "Tri-Wizard," I was thinking more one wizard and two witches.

Lily: I think just I vomited a little.

* * *

James: I've been whomping my willow thinking about you.

Lily: I have no words to describe how sickening that was.

James: Really? I think you did...

Lily: Shut up.

* * *

James: If I was to look into the Mirror of Erised, I would see the two of us together.

Lily: Same.

James: -Grins-

Lily: But you would be drowning in the lake.

* * *

James: Do you know the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you make me stiff.

Lily: James Potter, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

James: Whatever turns you on.

* * *

James: I'm not an Animagus but sometimes I can be real animal.

Lily: You're wrong on two counts. One: You are an Animagus. And two: You're also a moron.

* * *

James: How 'bout you and me go look for the Room of Requirement?

Lily: How 'bout no?

* * *

James: You know Platform 9 and 3/4? Well I know something else with the same exact measurements.

Lily: Your brain? I know. Bit small, I think.

* * *

James: A couple nights with me and Moaning Myrtle will have to get a new nickname.

Lily: -continues doing work-

James: So, that's a no then?

Lily: Amazing. You do catch on.

* * *

James: What do you say we disapparate out of here.

Lily: You go first.

* * *

James: You look like you'd be a good Quidditch player. Want to ride my broomstick?

Lily: I would rather marry the Giant Squid.

* * *

James: You know, when I said, "Accio beautiful girl," I didn't expect it to work!

Lily: Well, James... _They DO call it magic._

_

* * *

_

James: I know my name's not Xenophilius, but I sure know how to Lovegood if you know what I mean.

Lily: I wish I didn't.

* * *

James: If I were going to produce a patronus, you'd be my happy thought.

Lily: A Daily Prophet Headline reading: "Hogwarts Student, James Potter has Vanished. Never to be Seen or Heard from Again," is my happy thought.

* * *

James: Will you be my Horcrux tonight, so l can give a piece of my soul to you?

Lily: No, thanks.

* * *

James: I know you want me to manage your mischief!

Lily: You manage enough of your own.

James: Is that a challenge?

Lily: NO!

* * *

James: You must be magical because I've fallen under your spell.

Lily: Five points to Gryffindor.

James: For?

Lily: Overstating the obvious.

* * *

James: Want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own.

Lily: Want to take a long walk off a short pier?

* * *

James: Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?

Lily: Nope. You're just naturally dim-witted.

* * *

James: The thought of you makes something vast and silver erupt from my wand.

Lily: The thought of you makes my uterus want to shrivel up and die.

James: Why is that?

Lily: To prevent it from bearing an offspring like you.

* * *

James: I must need Occlumency, because I can't get you out of my thoughts.

Lily: That's a shame, you haven't much space up there to spare.

* * *

James: I might as well be under the Imperius curse, because I'd do anything for you.

Lily: Really?

James: Yes. Exluding: Going away, being quiet, never asking you out again, et cetera.

Lily: False advertising.

* * *

James: If I were a Seeker and you were a Snitch, would you let me catch you?

Lily: You're a Chaser.

James: -grumbles- The ONE time you remember...

* * *

James: I don't have any muggle money, but I do have a sickle and two knuts.

Lily: I'm happy for you, really.

* * *

James: Are you a boggart? 'Cause I have a fear of beautiful girls.

Lily: You should be afraid.

* * *

James: After a romantic night with me, you are going to need a timeturner because you are going to want to experience it again and again.

Lily: Highly unlikely.

* * *

James: Are you speaking parseltongue? 'Cause you're talking to my snake.

Lily: I am speaking English. GO. AWAY.

* * *

James: Your smile is like expelliarmus: simple but disarming.

Lily: Aren't you tired of rejection?

* * *

James: They say I'm like the horn of a crumple-horned snorkack. Explosive.

Lily: If only that were true, then you would also be imaginary.

* * *

James: What's the password to your portrait?

Lily: Severed head.

* * *

James: My heart's splinched without you.

Lily: Shame.

* * *

James: Yeah, I've got a pretty good batch of Polyjuice going, wanna taste?

Lily: Not even slightly.

* * *

James: I'm a goblin. Let me stroke your vault.

Lily: I'm Devil's Snare, allow me to choke the life out of you.

* * *

James: You're like a bottle of Skele-Gro: growing me a bone.

Lily: You are making my head hurt.

James: Ditto.

* * *

James: Why don't I make like Salazar and slither inside of you?

Lily: I'm a little bit offended that you think that could work on me.

* * *

James: Did you survive the Avada Kedavra curse? 'Cause you're drop dead gorgeous.

Lily: You must love rejection.

* * *

James: What flavor are your Bertie Bott's?

Lily: Poison.

* * *

James: I can be your house elf. I'll do whatever you want and I don't need any clothes.

Lily: Great. And then when you die of "natural causes" I'll mount your head on the wall.

James: No, no. I'm the one who does the mounting around here.

* * *

James: I need a pensieve because my head is filled with thoughts about you.

Lily: I'm glad.

James: Really?

Lily: Atleast it is filled with _something._

_

* * *

_

James: How do I get into your Department of Mysteries?

Lily: That's simple, go to sleep.

James: Huh?

Lily: Only in your dreams.

* * *

James: Why don't you come tame my dragon?

Lily: Why don't you just go away?

* * *

James: Just like the Slytherin common room, how 'bout my snake in your dungeons?

Lily: How 'bout no? With a side of sod off.

* * *

James: I don't know a thing about Merlin's pants, but I'd love to get into yours!

Lily: You don't know a whole lot about anything.

* * *

James: Wanna play with my Sorcerer's Stones?

Lily: Want to play Leave Lily Alone?

James: Not really, my game sounds like more fun.

* * *

James: You don't have to worry about me, I've been tested for Hogwarts, if you know what I mean.

Lily: I don't worry about you, for the record.

* * *

James: If you were a basilisk, I wouldn't mind dying just to look into your eyes.

Lily: What I would give to be a basilisk.

* * *

James: Are you a dementor? Because you send chills up my spine.

Lily: James, I am trying to study.

* * *

James: We could be on the same Quidditch team, I'm a Beater and you're a Keeper.

Lily: Alert the Daily Prophet when you're finished with all of these chat up lines.

* * *

James: Engorgio! Oh wait I don't need magic to enlarge this... But I could use you.

Lily: I could use a lifetime of silence.

* * *

James: Firenze and I have a lot in common, we both have parts like a horse.

Lily: Arrogance isn't becoming.

* * *

James: Did you say "Wingardium Leviosa"? Cause you've got me rising, baby.

Lily: Don't call me baby.

* * *

James: So you're the Head Girl of your house, huh?

Lily: Eww. Just, eww.

* * *

James: Are you a dementor? Because you just took my breath away.

Lily: I thought we set that matter straight a while ago.

* * *

James: Yeah girls call me "Aguamenti." Everytime they hear my name, they get wet.

Lily: -walks away-

* * *

James: It's a portkey.... once you touch it, it will take you somewhere you have never been before.

Lily: So it's probably oddly-mishapen and inanimate? ...That's attractive.

* * *

James: Want to learn to speak troll? I can get you grunting in no time.

Lily: Azkaban is the only thing protecting you from death.

* * *

James: Would you like a butterbeer?

Lily: I don't trust you.

James: It's a portkey. Next thing you know we'll be back at my place.

Lily: Oh, goodie.

* * *

James: I don't need the mirror of Erised to know that you're everything I desire.

Lily: Please go away.

* * *

James: Did you just cast a spell on me baby? Because I'm feeling an engorgio charm coming on.

Lily: One has surely been cast on the thing sitting on your shoulders.

* * *

James: The sorting hat says you should be in my house... Wait. What's that? It also says you should be in my bed.

Lily: A thousand times, no.

* * *

James: Did you use Relashio? 'Cause there's sparks between us.

Lily: If only there were several continents.

* * *

James: Did you cast Impervio on me? Cause when I'm near you I can't control my body.

Lily: Nope, just your mouth.

* * *

James: Not even Veritaserum could make me express how much I'm truly attracted to you.

Lily: Just. Stop. Speaking.

* * *

James: I can teach you Arithmancy, it's easy.

Lily: Like you.

James: No. You + Me = Magic.

Lily: My brain is dying

* * *

**Author's Note; If you know of any hilarious HP chat up lines, please let me know!! :)**


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